Altsounds - 8 Pints In | Issue #27 - Baby Drama For Your Mama

Every now and then, a big story comes out of the US that makes me ridiculously ashamed. No, I don't mean anything political, although that is often embarrassing. I'm talking more about people like the retard that named his kid Adolf Hitler and then tried to sue a grocery store for refusing to make a birthday cake that said 'Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler.' *sigh*

There are some dumb motherfuckers 'round these parts. It's enough to make me want to move. But, from time to time, a story comes out of the UK that reminds me that moronic behavior pledges allegiance to no country. It transcends race, ethnicity and geographical borders. If you're looking for it, you can find stories from around the world about stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons. Since Altsounds is primarily US and UK, let's put a couple baby related stories head-to-head and you can judge for yourself which country produces more deranged people. YAY! UNITY!

In the UK corner: 13 year old father, Alfie Patten.

All of the adult virgins out there moved one step closer to suicide when the news broke about little Alfie Patten knocking up his girlfriend before hitting puberty. While his 15 year old girlfriend is a bit of a butterface (and allegedly the village bicycle), we should give credit where credit is due. Baby-faced Alfie clearly has some moves. As to be expected, the more obsessed the media becomes with the story, the more messed up it all begins to sound. They have parents, afterall.

According to reports, 15 year old Chantelle Steadman was allowed to have boys over on a somewhat regular basis. Her parents were fully aware of her activities and are in no way upset that she now has a young baby to take care of. Alfie's situation isn't much better when it comes to supervision or parental guidance. The whole thing starts to come off as really sad and depressing if you think about it too much...so let's not. The weirdest part of the story isn't that a child that resembles a cupie doll is now a father. It's that there are other boys out there who are claiming to be the father and demanding a DNA test! REALLY?! They WANT to be the father of this child? They're admitting to having sex with that girl in the press?? What the hell is going on in East Sussex???

In the US corner: Octo-mom, Nadya Suleman.

Everyone wants a handout. If the richest bankers in the country didn't provide a perfect example of undeserving, irresponsible people feeling inexplicably entitled to government money, then take a look at this crazy bitch in California. Nadya Suleman already had 6 children, acquired through artificial insemination. She is single, she doesn't have a job, she lives in a 3 bedroom house and is on welfare. Obviously, in that situation, the only choice was to go back to the crooked doctor and get 8 more babies implanted up inside her. That is 14 children, all under the age of eight, in a 3 bedroom house, bleeding taxpayers dry.

I WISH the craziest part was so many kids in one house, but this woman is a full blown psycho. She's had plastic surgery to make herself look like Angelina Jolie and has even written letters to the star professing her admiration. This woman has been all over television, doing many, many interviews with anyone willing to listen. But her story hardly inspires sympathy. Considering she is on welfare, one can't help but wonder how she paid for her plastic surgeries, or where she came up with the cash to get more in vitro babies. It ain't cheap. That's probably why she has a website set up for the purpose of raking in donations from all of the sympathetic bleeding hearts that are dumb enough to think she's a victim of circumstance.

Music That's Hot
With a plethora of music to sieve through below is the cream of this weeks ever abundant musical crop.

Doves - Kingdom Of Rust (Single)

Out March 30th via Heavenly Recordings
February 17, 2009, 03:44 PM

Doves return after a 4-year hiatus with the release of their 4th long-player 'Kingdom Of Rust' on April 6th this is preceded by the album's title track making it's way out into the world on March 30th. So after 4 whole years in the wilderness and the continued upheaval of the musical landscape how does Doves return measure up to not only to their previous work but also to the established sounds of 2009.

'Kingdom Of Rust' shuffles in with an almost skiffle beat that is gradually layered upon with a constant driving rhythm and Jimi Goodwin's recognisable dulcet tones and Doves trademark melange of background noises and barely audible sound effects all throw in. "I long to feel some beauty in my heart/As I go searching right to the start" is the message conjuring up lyrics of longing and searching for something inside yourself (played out wonderfully in the video), I've never found Doves lyrics to be the clearest in sentiment but 'Kingdom Of Rust' seems quite self-explanatory.

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The M's - Real Close Ones [Album]

Polyvinyl
February 17, 2009, 11:56 AM

Buy The M's - Real Close Ones [Album] From Amazon.com

The M’s - Real Close Ones is a fun album which bravely blends one hundred and one styles into one. The overall effect is a bluesy sci-fi, psychedelic rock-pop..... you get the idea. Key influences dominating the mix [to my ear] are the Kinks, late Beatles and Phil Spector. Real Close Ones is the M’s third album and the aforementioned combo of styles makes it an interesting release with a distinctive, unpredictable twist to each track.

While fuzzy vocals dominate the opening track Big Sound, they also bring flavour to Pigs Fly and Impossible View. The approach to vocals has a folky edge in Trying To Keep and How Could You while layered Beatle-esque sounds appear on Breakfast Score and Get Your Shit Together. Papers and Days In The Sun are evocative psychedelic tracks, with melodies you can’t help but sing along to. In contrast a couple of songs on the album, like Don’t Be Late, effectively create an atmosphere but are completely forgettable as songs.

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The Paris Riots - Introspection [Single]

Queen Street Records
February 16, 2009, 10:17 PM
Buy The Paris Riots - Introspection [Single] From Amazon.com

Introspection opens with delicate symbol work courtesy of Scott McKnight, which at first has the feeling of relaxing you. However just as you may start to be lulled into a sense that Introspection is of a lower tempo song to other songs by The Paris Riots, you’ll be somewhat fooled!

Shortly into Introspection, the song is charged up like a tazer gun with an outstanding grungy guitar riff provided by Guy Connor before the song momentarily subsides and Kevin Martin injects a fantastic soul-burbling dose of bass guitar. Kev’s bass combined with Scott’s drum sequence is cracking, they work perfectly together and build Introspection up like a ticking bomb ready to explode at any point, and that’s exactly what happens when Toby Connor snatches the mic, takes over, adding his raw, fierce, get-out-of-my-way vocals which bed perfectly with the rest of the music.

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Remember Remember - Self Titled [Album]

Rock Action
February 13, 2009, 02:52 PM
Buy Remember Remember - Self Titled [Album] From Amazon.com

From the very first glance of Remember Remember’s debut liner notes, it’s instantly clear that the album is going to be a unique listening experience. For example, founder member Graeme Ronald’s instrumentation credits read like Andy Kaufman’s shopping list, “Gatorra, E-Bow, Guzheng Harp, Kalimba, Field Recording, Bubblewrap, Hole Punch, Scissors, Sellotape Dispenser, Aerosol Can, Coins, Matches, Lighters, Water, Irn Bru,” the list continues.

And from the moment you hear the opening gambit ‘And The Demon Said…’, you would need a heart of stone not to be completely enchanted. Warm, melancholy, saturated, Satie-esque piano cadences trickle from the surface of the CD and into your consciousness where they set up two tent beds, crack open a crate of Carling and settle down for a long stay.

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Pulled Apart By Horses – I Punched A Lion In The Throat [Single]

Too Pure
February 12, 2009, 08:48 PM

Buy Pulled Apart By Horses – I Punched A Lion In The Throat [Single] From Amazon.com

Taking their name from a demented torture method, you might be a little wary of what to expect before listening to Pulled Apart By Horses, but fear not, the greatness is to come! Hailing from Leeds, Pulled Apart By Horses who are Tom Hudson (Vocals/Guitar), James Brown (Guitars), Lee Vincent (Drums) and Robert Lee (Bass) have created a disturbingly good single here. ‘I Punched A Lion In The Throat’ CD single which is out on the ‘Too Pure’ label not only boats the title track but also contains an equally ear blasting song ‘The Crapsons.’ Both of these two tracks are so fierce that once you listen to them, you’re likely to feel like you have been completely and utterly torn apart by some musical soul eating reaper.

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Altsounds Exclusive Features
Packed full of shit you just can't see, hear or read anywhere else, the Altsounds.com Features section is packed to the brim. Here's a nugget of the best features from the week.

Q&A Interview: Wayne Static of Static-X [Cult of Static]

"I was so worried about writing songs that I missed all of the parties."
February 16, 2009, 07:49 AM

Your debut album went platinum and there was speculation that you would become a mainstream band. Instead, you've managed to maintain a very loyal cult following for about a decade now. Are you happy with how things have worked out for Static X?

Yeah, I think so. Obviously, you know, we just do what we do and hope people like it. I think our first album going platinum was just the right album at the right time. I never thought we would be mainstream and I never thought we would even sell that many records! I'm glad we've stayed underground. It seems like once you go mainstream, you're labeled as a sellout or whatever. So, I think things have gone great for us.

Do you think the cult appeal comes from the difficulty people have had categorizing your music?

Sure, I think that's part of it. It's helped us a lot, because you really can't put us in a category. It leaves us open to do whatever we want and tour with whoever we want. It makes us timeless. You can put on our old albums ten years later and it still sounds fresh and exciting.

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Q&A Interview: Les Claypool

"it was like climbing Mt. Everest wearing nothing but a speedo."
February 14, 2009, 07:30 PM

So let's start off with the promotion on this one, because this album is really interesting. Your new record OF FUNGI OR FOE is out in about a month. The concept for the project is extended material from the Mushroom Men video game and the film Pig Hunt. How does it work together as an album and what sparked your desire to create even more material for these two projects?

Well it's not so much... I was commissioned to do these two soundtracks they were really cool, abstract projects. As I was doing these pieces, I knew I wanted to make songs out of them and put them on a record. After I finished I thought, "I really like these pieces. They're dark and eerie." So I set to putting lyrics to the songs and mixed it with other random things from my notebook- riffs and rhythms, and it just evolved into this record.

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Interview with Eskimo Joe

"We're control freaks basically"
February 18, 2009, 11:19 PM

Eskimo Joe started out over 10 years ago, as a small town band from Fremantle, Western Australia, doing the rounds on the local scene and releasing 2 solid efforts prior to 2005. But then their stunning 2006 album, Black Fingernails Red Wine, propelled them into the spotlight, urging tour dates across America and Europe, and even securing a deal with Warner in Central Europe. Now on the verge of album number four, the boys prepare for another European tour and are out to prove they have the staying power to be a household name for years to come.

2009 is already looking like it will be an absolutely massive year for Eskimo Joe, and, before the hard slog formally begins, while still putting their final flourishes on the album back home in Perth, guitarist, Joel Quartermain, took a moment to chat to Nat Morris:

Altsounds: Hey Joel, are you free to talk this time around?

Joel: Yeah sorry about that before, I was in a crowded Irish bar, I thought the interview was at 7:30, my memory failed me! I’m glad you called back.

Altsounds: That’s alright, no worries! So, other than hanging about in rowdy Irish pubs, what have you guys been up to lately?

Joel: Well, we’re just putting the finishing touches on the new record, which will be released in May I believe. We’re just in the final stages of mastering now, which is like the last thing you do in the album cycle. And we just went to Sydney to go and play it for the record company and all that sort of jazz, and do photo-shoots and that kind of boring stuff…

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The News Wire
Have your finger on the musical pulse every week by checking out the Top Ten biggest news of the past week

We Will Rock You
Altsounds users are concert going freaks. The gigs listed below gave our reviewer the horn this week.

God is an Astronaut [Live] @ Hoxton Bar & Kitchen

East London - 28/01/09
February 17, 2009, 11:03 PM

I first discovered God Is An Astronaut through my interest of post rock and shoe gaze, continuing my love of staring longingly in to the middle of nowhere whilst being aurally fucked to near orgasm, kept on the cusp just long enough to prolong one of the greatest sensations a self confessed muso could ever wish for without crumpling to a gooey mess on the venue floor.

The venue tonight is sold out and quite rightly so. God Is An Astronaut are a post rock outfit from Ireland, treading close to the likes of Explosions in the Sky, Mogwai and This Will Destroy You, but still holding some originality. After hearing their latest release I was expecting at least 4 or 5 members on stage, yet I was greatly surprised by only 3. Their sound is not generated solely by the three members, but helped by a backing track that adds various dimensions,although this never took away from what God Is An Astronaut offer. There are often ambiances drifting around and added guitar tracks. The singer is a multi instrumentalist, drifting between guitar and keyboard, with the negated instrument being catered for on the backing track. One track even sees the bass player put a capo high up the neck of his bass, allowing him to play a chordal lead part, whilst the deep bass notes are covered by the backing track!

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Last Orders!

So what's it gonna be? Kids having kids, or crazies having too many kids? Which one is worse? Both?

I think the octo-mom story should get bonus bullshit points for having nothing to do with an octopus. I was personally disappointed.

I should probably feel bad for highlighting the worst among us. I stink of tabloid at the moment. But Obama has inspired me. It's not about the things that divide us! It's about what unites us as human beings! Stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons will bring us all together!