Every week on The Salt-N-Pepa Show, two MCs from the late Eighties try to prove they don’t hate each other (and the rap game), while our Rock Reality Show Recaps attempt to prove we don’t resent VH1 for exploiting the heroes of our youth. Here’s our take on the third episode: Thirty Minutes in One Sentence: With work being done on both her house and her new Manhattan apartment (which she grabs on the speculation Salt-N-Pepa are going platinum sometime soon), Pepa moves into Salt’s comfy home and quickly drives her hostess nuts, which doesn’t exactly convince the church-going half of the duo to get the music-making back on track.
Disowning the Shoop: When Pepa invades Salt’s suburban fortress, she arrives with a Hummer packed to the brim with shoopesque, turning her frenemy’s paradise into a ex-diva’s paradise lost. For her three-day stay, Pepa totes along a gigantic portrait of herself (with a lonesome nipple showing), furs and half of Victoria’s secrets, which she leaves drying in the shower for Salt’s prepubescent son to gaze at while brushing his teeth. Pepa also fuels a rowdy game of dominos with Salt’s husband and his friends while Salt tries to sleep. After Salt yells at them to be quiet, the hip-hop guest of honor proclaims, “Get your money out boys. Let’s play some Cee-lo.” A triple dice roll and some more wine later, Salt comes down again to inform the gamblers that they are for real “really buggin’ out.” To top it off, the next day Pepa sets off the security alarm by coming home too late, and Salt tells Pep she better think about her and her more naked likeness finding a new crib to stay in, fast.
Whatta Band: Pepa apologizes to Salt the following morning and even offers to sit in on Salt’s prayer meeting that day (Salt: “I really wouldn’t mind if you don’t”). In an effort to clean up the messes she had made around the house, Pep scoots her painting to the window, inadvertently greeting the prayer meeting ladies with a one-boob salute. But after Pep repeatedly interrupts the prayer group with her commentary on the band’s relationship, the two finally come to a discussion of their friendship and resolve (for this episode) their issues. The meeting then gives way to an impromptu dance party, with Salt-N-Pepa performing “Expression” in the rec room while their kids turn into mini B-boys. The rappers pull a trademark back-to-back pose and Salt concedes some hippy dance action while Pep looks happy just to be performing at all, even in a carpeted suburban living room with sad shoopless couches.
Pushin’ It Forward: Despite the second performance of the series, the spices seem at a professional standstill. Pepa signs up for a fancy new Manhattan apartment, basing her projected income on the hope that Salt will agree to some offers coming in. But Salt tries to bring Pep back to reality saying they “haven’t even gone past therapy yet.” And after the living room comeback song comes to a close, Salt gives Pepa a big hug but adds, “I am so glad you’re going home!” The two clearly aren’t ready to go back in the studio — and where is DJ Spinderella anyway?
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