Every week on The Salt-N-Pepa Show, two MCs from the late Eighties try to prove they don’t hate each other (and the rap game), while our Rock Reality Show Recaps attempt to prove we don’t resent VH1 for exploiting the heroes of our youth. Here’s our take on the fourth episode:
Thirty Minutes in Three Sentences: DJ Spinderella returns to Salt-N-Pepa for their first post-reunion performance of “Shoop” on The Tyra Banks Show. Spinderella looks for recognition from Salt-N-Pepa as intently as VH1 looks for washed-up musicians, Pepa shows up late and hungover to rehearsal, and Salt somehow keeps her cool and a smile through all of it. Must be some extra shoop at home.
Disowning the Shoop: This week the group owned it. We don’t know how they convinced Salt, but the complete trio perform their hit single “Shoop” with very little censoring involved. Granted, Salt changes “I wanna know, how does it hang?” to “I wanna know, can we hang?” (”I don’t want to know about how anybody’s hanging but my husband.”) But Pep still manages to scandalize Salt with her telltale dance moves, which border somewhere between the femme fatale and the strip-school dropout. But no judgment here: like Pep says, she’s on the “Prrrrowl.” After a night of celebration, an orange-sweatsuited Pep shows up late to rehearsal looking like a dancing pumpkin with a wicked hangover. Pep was also late to the set itself, confessing, “I need to go to late therapy.” Spin’s reply: “I sure they have classes for that. But you can’t be late for it.”
Whatta Band: DJ Spinderella’s entrance into the reunion added an extra layer of drama to the diva-driven struggle. Apparently back in the day, Spinderella was the baby of the group to mama Salt and auntie Pep, and while she wanted to be considered part of the trio, Salt and Pep viewed her as hired goods, comparing her to Jam Master Jay of Run-DMC. Spinderella joined the group while she was still in high school, and was under curfew after the shows while Pep and Salt got to live the high life on tour. In one of the most sad-eyed Tiny Tim moments of reality drama, Spinderella asks Salt and Pepa to clarify her position in the band. “Do you consider me the Salt N Pep? Am I the N?” But Salt and Pep shoot down her modest dream to be a conjunction (actually, her dream to be an abbreviation of a conjunction) with little hesitation, one of the few moments they actually agree. Without fully resolving anything, Pep hugged it out with Spin with the crucial clarification, “But you ain’t huggin’ into my money.”
Pushin’ It Forward: Salt took huge steps by performing not only on a national television show, but comfortably sweating out a song about shoop. In one of her first positive camera confessions of the series, Salt said, “Now we can start fresh. I’m glad that the girls are back.” Next week Pepa is putting on some kind of show involving hoochie dancers and a six-foot condom. Hmmm. Do you fancy Salt will object?
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