Altsounds - Steel Panther - London Shepherd's Bush Empire, Sept 16th 2009 [Live]

It’s a nice thing when life can still surprise you and surely, I would have never expected in my life to see a massive mixed gender crowd singing all together "c’mon pretty baby suck my balls all night."

It’s September 16th 2009 and I’m at Shepherd’s Bush Empire, watching a band that I first saw in 2001 under the name Metal Shop. Since then, they’ve changed name to Metal Skool and more recently to Steel Panther, while playing a successful resident rock parody show on Mondays on LA’s Sunset Strip, at the Viper Room first and at the Roxy later. You can still see them performing every week for a crowd of loyal regulars and random curious.

For a long time I’ve been wondering why no one had ever thought of sharing Steel Panther’s comedy talent with the rest of the world; all of a sudden, after nine years from my first encounter with Michael Starr (aka Ralph Saenz) & Co, here they are, with all the PR power of music industry giant Universal, selling out the Electric Ballroom in minutes and forced to move to a bigger venue. Why now? Maybe the Spinal Tap resurged popularity, Anvil’s Resurrection (or shall I say rebirth?), Rock of Love viewing ratings increase. What? That’s not a parody? Are you serious?!? Oh Lord! Anyway, someone at Universal thought it was the right time to get the rest of the world smiling at the 80’s hair band excesses, shallowness and on-your-face sexism, and dude, were they right!

The crowd gathering outside showcases a bunch of extras from the decline of Western Civilisation II. I’ve never seen so many men in wigs and make up excluding perhaps on Halloween. Some are even organised in groups of four, representing all the band members. A Swedish guy distributes Steel Panther “Feel the Steel” condoms. Bitchin’ dude! All age ranges are widely represented, and those who grew up with Motley Crue queue with kids who probably don’t even realise each of the songs on “Feel the Steel” is more than inspired by one or more hair metal anthems.

Sorry I took my time to give you an idea of the history and the vibe surrounding the Steel Panther sensation but for once we’re not really here for a proper music review. Considering this a music concert it would be a bit like considering Scary Movie a horror flick, so relax, and don’t miss the point by trying to evaluate Satchel’s guitar virtuosity, Lexxi Sexxx’s bass skills, Stix Zadinia’s drumming level or Michael Starr's vocal extension. These guys are surely all good musicians and professionals, some with more conventional side projects, but tonight the only required talent is the ability to make you laugh.

“Eyes Of a Panther” is the Van Halen-ish opening, followed by “Asian Hooker” (yes, you read that right). Third is a power ballad, “Fat girl (thar she blows),” with lyrical gems such as “...my friends say I must be going blind ‘cause you’ve got cottage cheese all over your behind,” “I wanna prove you that my feelings are for real, so I’m gonna buy you a million Happy Meals” and “even though some people point and laugh at us you can kick their ass ‘cause you’re bigger than a bus.” Quality. “Party all day (fuck all night)” steals a bit from everyone, from Bon Jovi to Slaughter to create an absolute 80s parody anthem. Time for the new single, famously defined as “the most honest song about being a rockstar.” It’s another ballad and it’s called “Community Property” and the chorus goes like this: “’cause my heart belongs to you but my cock is community property.” I won’t say anymore, you really need to watch (and listen to) this video.

Making of "Community Property" video (EXPLICIT) Video by Steel Panther - MySpace Video

What was so far a perfect night gets only slightly spoilt by a variation you won’t notice unless you’ve seen the band before. Lexxi’s hair solo which is my favourite part of the show, where Michael and Satchel blow the bass players long blond wig to an epic background sound has been taken off; in return, Satchel’s guitar solo seems just a tad too long. For the record, not even the guitar solo is anything to be taken seriously, with some random noise and high speed versions of the usual classic riffs, from Deep Purple to Guns’n’Roses. But that extra minute takes it from funny to virtually boring. Cut a bit of that off and bring the hair solo back, please!

Between songs, Steel Panther treat us to comedy dialogues reminiscent of Wayne’s World and Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame. The colourful four don’t spare sexual comments, “heavy metal rulez” moments and plenty of “fuck” and “dude.” They also jump like David Lee Roth and dance like Poison, all perfectly synchronised. Can’t get any better, or worse than this, depends on your take on “Rock of Love” and “The Dirt” really.

Back to the set list (yes, they have one), “Hell’s on Fire” is a classic 80’s rock spoof, and “Girl from Oklahoma” is some kind of country, bluesy almost acoustic ballad containing the line mentioned at the very beginning of this review and some deep insights into the world of rock groupies, such as “what did you have to do for that backstage pass ‘cause I found a Poison laminate inside of your ass.” Truly deep. After yet another x-rated dialogue about threesomes and load shooting, it’s time for “The Shocker,” followed by the third ballad of the night, “Stripper Girl.” These dudes are so romantic; “I’ll be there to catch you when you fall, if you buy me an I-Phone you can give me a call” is one of the lines of this remake of the track which originally appeared on the 2003 album “Hole Patrol”, distributed through legendary website Metal Sludge. In the original version, the wannabe kept rocker was happy with a simple cell phone.

We’re entering the final portion of this unique experience, “fuck the Goo Goo Dolls they can suck my balls”, Steel Panther’s breakthrough anthem “Death To All But Metal” rocks the air. Let the head-banging begin! Last but not least is “Turn Out The Lights,” which has nothing to do with the colourful stage lights at the Empire, in fact the song is about some girl “hit by the ugly stick” which our hero decided to fuck anyway, although it was in the dark.

Steel Panther were born as a tribute band, and as a tribute band they leave us tonight. The brilliantly executed covers are Van Halen’s “Panama” (Ralph also sings in one of the biggest Van Halen tribute bands, Atomic Punks) and, you guessed it, Motley Crue’s “Kickstart My Heart.” Security pulls a few chicks on stage, one of which actually gives in to the cheering and flashes a good sized pair of boobs; having girls from the pit joining on stage is typical of Poison’s and other similar bands’ live shows, but I’ve never seen anyone having as much fun as this bunch.

The band says goodbye inviting us to see them supporting ZZ Top in October and announcing they will be on the main stage at Download next year. For a tribute band, this final almost beats the “Rockstar” movie plot, and it’s way more entertaining. My advice is to get your seat for the ZZ Top show which would be worth the ticket on its own anyway, and take advantage of the opportunity to check out Steel Panther as an added bonus. A good laugh never hurt anyone and before joining the queue, remember to stick “Feel The Steel” on your IPod and get ready to sing along.

Warning: Contains strong language and causes convulse and uncontrollable laughter. Be considerate of others when listening in public places.

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