Altsounds - The Scratch - You Want The World [Album]

I had a nightmare. It was 1996 all over again. I'd spent all night listening to some knob telling me all about how great it was in The Good Mixer. Damien Hirst had dissected my Sunday roast and preserved it in a vat of Tango. I was stuck in a perpetual ground hog day with George Graham's total anti-football. Rockport. Brutus Gold. Add to this music so bad - Denim, Nilon Bombers, Menswear - that at one point I actually thought Symposium were the antidote.

It was a fantasy which ended with me spending hours in solitary confinement playing endless games of chess with drug crazed monkeys, but on waking up I realised immediately what the cause had been. 'You Want The World' took me back there, a frankenstein's monster of a throwback stitched together from leftover bits of Rick Witter, Jaime Harding and Alex Boag's cock. So trust me, you don't need to know what The Scratch's MySpace address is. And lads, let me be the one to break it to you that whoever's advising your band is fucking wrong - you have no talent.

Now for everyone's sake, give up and go back to working at Blockbuster.