Kristi - I'm Just A Girl

Grooveland Records

Any thoughts that you might have the next Pink on yor hands are immediately dispelled when the opening track reveals that you might actually have the next Sophie Ellis Bexter on your hands, not exacly the most entertaining prospect, that's for sure. A somewhat simple slice of vacuuous pop unfolds with a sliding vocal veering towards flat, on top of a lurching electro-percussive beat that threatens to take over as you sit there listening to this godawful song, equally bad chorus and hoping to god that the rhythm would bury the thing for once and for all.
But, you move on in hope.

"Without You" revelas a similar rhythm only slower, a vocal that's initially starker, a song that tells about life and love in tried and trusted traditions, while the whole thing bores you to death. Rather than wait for it to end you move on, and find that "My Way" (noticing that so far, all the track titles have been titles of more famous songs) is just as bad as what's gone before, more faceless pop delivered with the emotion of a dead dog and the most awesomely dull dance beats known to man. So, you decide to sample a flavour of each of the rest of the tracks on the album in the hope that you'll find some redeeming feature - guess what? Yep - you don't!!

As lifeless as a mortuary, this will sink without trace and be all the better for it.

Andy Garibaldi